Hot As Suck (Sucking Dead #5) Read Online Andie M. Long

Categories Genre: Fantasy/Sci-fi, Paranormal, Romance Tags Authors: Series: Sucking Dead Series by Andie M. Long

Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)

One minute I’m finally dating my ideal woman, the next I’m told I’m the new king of the dragons.
They can’t mean me; I’m the village idiot. An identity I have no problem with because it means I don’t have to take life too seriously. Well, until now.
The dragons say I have to endure a series of trials before I can rule, but I haven’t become one with my inner dragon yet. I’m a slow burn…
And what about Charity? She was the first woman to like me for who I am, and I was hoping she’d be the first person… oh God…
I’m going to die chaste at almost thirty in the fiery pits of the dragon caves.
I suppose at least they can say I was Hot As Suck.



I’d had the best two weeks of my damn life. My mum had moved in with her boyfriend and had left me with a home of my own, and I’d met Charity, a beautiful mermaid who worked as a hairdresser in Gnarly. She’d recently moved to the fell and I’d met her at one of my friend Merrin’s upcycling workshops.

It was early days, but I was quietly optimistic that my V-card would soon be a thing of the past. Yes, that’s right. I was almost thirty and still a virgin. For reasons I couldn’t fully understand, but worried were due to my personality, I was still to get to that base.

Now here I was again at Merrin’s second upcycling workshop. The first time I’d made a bed frame for the bed I’d at that time hoped to bring a girl back to, not realising I’d meet someone while designing it. Thank goodness I’d screwed up my sketches for a red headboard that handcuffs fitted to!

This time I was next to my girlfriend. Oh lord, I couldn’t believe I was actually saying that. I had a girlfriend, a proper one. Not that I meant I previously had a fake one, like a blow-up one. Not that I’m judging anyone who does. I mean you could for instance practice kissing on one when you’re a teenager and then find your mum has dressed it up and put it in the village square on Halloween, thinking the mouth hole was someone screaming in fright. When put right about it, I’d had a large whack around the ears while my mum had thanked every deity there was that I’d only kissed it and prayed for me to be given common sense.

She wasn’t particularly religious and that’s why she said I never seemed to be delivered of any sense. That or she blamed my father.

“Jason, what furniture are you picking this time?” Charity asked me. I turned to her, immediately struck by just how beautiful she was. With that scarlet-red hair, pale skin with freckled nose and cheeks, her emerald-green eyes with long lashes, and the soft-pink lips that were currently smiling at me. At me. And we’d been on three dates now. It was nothing short of a miracle.

“I’m honestly not sure,” I said. “Have you got any ideas?”

“Well…” She paused, looking a little apprehensive. “I was thinking maybe we could both do a small set of drawers…” She pointed to an identical set, narrow with three drawers in each. “…and then if you stay at mine or I stay at yours the other has somewhere to keep some stuff.” She blushed, and before I could think, I closed the gap between us and almost knocked her over as I planted a kiss on her lips. Steadying her and apologising for my lack of balance, I declared her idea perfect.

Everything was going so well.

My friend Merrin was also in love. He’d fallen hard for a vampire called Ginny and it was amusing me watching him as he kept grinning at his girlfriend. It had only been the week before last that we’d sat outside the bistro and had Chantelle, the witch who worked there, work a spell that would bring forth our true loves. Now Chantelle’s magic could go wrong on occasion, but this time it seemed she’d done us both proud.

Merrin just needed an attention spell now, so he’d stop forgetting to train us in upcycling while he got lost in love and lust.

“Merrin, you’ve zoned out again. You were showing us your splattering technique,” said Charity.

“I think that’s why he’s zoning out, hey, Ginny? You’ve had him showing you his splattering technique all night,” I joked, earning me a “Jason,” from both my mum and Charity.

Mum and Charity looked at each other and laughed. I loved how they were getting along, given they had me in common.

“I’ve bloody two of em at it now,” I said, grinning, and feeling unbelievably smug.

But then my friend clutched his head, and I knew he was having a vision.