Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 53749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 269(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 269(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
Shift your focus. That’s an actionable step I tell patients to take, so I decide to try it. At the store, I gather all the ingredients to make beef stew for me and Amelia tonight. If she’s even home. But if she’s out on a date, a solo evening under a blanket on my couch with Netflix sounds pretty damn good.
I feel a pang of sadness when “Jingle Bell Rock” comes on over the store’s sound system. Christmas is a hard time for me every year, not just because of bad memories but also because I have no family to spend it with. Amelia’s family has always welcomed me and treated me like one of their own, but it’s just not the same.
Shaking my head, I realize I shifted my focus to something sad. I try again.
Maybe what I need is a pet. Something to love and snuggle and take care of without all the downsides of dating. I could get a cat. Maybe I’ll look at some animal rescue sites tonight.
After I check out at the grocery store, my enthusiasm for walking wanes, because now I have several bags of groceries. I Uber home, where I find Amelia painting her toenails in a kitchen chair, a towel wrapped around her hair and a green clay mask on her face.
“Going out with Paul tonight?” I ask as I set my groceries on the counter.
“Yeah.” She looks up from her toenails. “Hey, we could hang out here tonight if you want. We could all watch a movie or something.”
“Absolutely not. Go out and have fun.”
She looks skeptical. “You sure?”
“Yes. I don’t mind a night to myself at all.”
“I take it things didn’t go well with Jake?” she asks.
“No.”
I put away my groceries, swapping out the spoiled produce for the fresh stuff I just bought. Maybe this will finally be the week I actually use all the vegetables I bought.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Amelia gets up from her chair and comes over to help me.
“Not right now, but thanks.”
She sighs softly. “Okay, but…there’s something else we need to talk about.”
“Hmm?” I ask absently.
“Your mom came by this morning.”
I turn around to face her, my heart pounding. “Here? My mom came here?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, God.” I cover my face with my hands. “How did she find me? Everything here is in your name to avoid exactly this.”
“She didn’t say how she found you…she just knocked and asked for you. I didn’t know it was her at first or I would’ve told her she had the wrong place. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
A wave of shame washes over me. I hate that Amelia saw my mother, even though it’s not the first time.
“She wants money, I’m sure,” I say, still bitter even though I know that’s the type of person she is.
“Yeah. And…”
My throat tightens with emotion. Part of me doesn’t even want to know.
“What?” I ask softly.
“I think she’s using.” Amelia gives me a sympathetic look. “You’ve never mentioned her being an addict, so I wasn’t sure if you knew or not.”
I swallow hard. Even after all these years—all the disappointments and dysfunction—my heart breaks a little.
“No, that’s…a new thing,” I say. “And it’ll only make her more desperate for money.”
“You need to be careful. Now that she’s found you again—”
“I know.” I sink down into a chair at the table. “Did she say anything about my dad?”
“No.”
I bury my face in my hands, unable to keep myself from crying. “If they’re back in touch and she tells him where I am…I wouldn’t put anything past him. I can handle her if I have to, but not…not him.”
“Hey.” Amelia puts her hands on my shoulders. “It’s gonna be okay. Do you want to go stay at my brother’s place? He won’t mind.”
I sniffle, my heart hammering. “I can’t stay there forever. I’ll just have to…I don’t know, prepare myself, I guess.”
“I’m sorry,” Amelia says again.
“Well, I was looking for a distraction, and now I’ve got one.” I smile weakly.
“A distraction from what?” She pulls out a chair and sits down.
“It’s hard to take you seriously with that green stuff all over your face.”
“Don’t change the subject, Gravy.”
I give in, tired of carrying the full weight of the truth alone.
“That patient I’m attracted to—I can’t get my mind off him. I’ve been completely professional with him, everywhere but in my own imagination, but a woman from the group confronted me about him.”
“Confronted you?” Amelia scrunches her clay-covered face as much as she can.
“Yeah, she’s…a major manipulator. She told me the other day that she can see I have a crush on him and she’ll out me if I don’t let her graduate from the program.”
“She sounds lovely.”
“You have no idea.”
“But you’ve been professional, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”
I cringe. “Clearly I haven’t been as professional as I thought, or she wouldn’t know about my feelings. She says they’re written all over my face.”